there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
