If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
