Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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