Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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