Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
