I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
