Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
