Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
