I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
