So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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