every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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