Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
