I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
