I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We had sex on a dog bed..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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