why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
