you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
