last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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