Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
