I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize