U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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