his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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