Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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