The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
