i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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