You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
