He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
