Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
