She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
