god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
