you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
