When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
