Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
