Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
