She is in my trunk
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
