How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
