I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
