maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
