Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize