Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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