So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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