i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
