Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize