you turned your livingroom into a bong?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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