she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
