my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
