They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
