I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im part way to drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
