how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
