meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
