I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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