32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
