But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
