Can i not drive my cunt home
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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