Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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