I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
