i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
