dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
