i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
