he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
