i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize