And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
