i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
