the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
