Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
