Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Two words: blizzard sex
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
