Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
