Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
