Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
