I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
