After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
