OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
