Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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