You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
