My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
