I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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