K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
