I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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