Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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