i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
