I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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