You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
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