but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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